How to Talk Like a Valley Girl

Posted by Anonymous , 9/4/2007 Tags:TalkLikeValleyGirl
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How to Talk Like a Valley Girl

Introduction

Like, I'm so sure. If you don't even know how to talk like a valley girl you totally have to learn. Duh. It came from Southern California and is lovingly known as "Valspeak." If you need to try it on for size, pop in some chewing gum, bleach your hair, grab some bottled water and chill.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Steps

1

Step One

Speak with what linguists call a high rising terminal. That means end your sentences with a rising intonation. It's as if you're asking a question with every statement you make.
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Step Two

Say the word "like" at least once in every phrase you say. For example, "She like totally went to the store, and like got some totally grodie milk."
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Step Three

Use the words "totally" or "way" in place of the words "very," "really" or anywhere in the sentence where it can add some emphasis. For example, "The milk is way creamy and is way too grodie to drink."
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Step Four

Get used to being annoyed with people who are not as cool as you are. If someone asks you to do something you don't want to do, is doing something you don't approve of or is flat out wrong, respond with "as if." For example, "You want me to like go to the store and like buy some milk? As if!"
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Step Five

Add that little something extra to any refusal or negative statement by including the words "duh" or "what-ever." Be sure to pause slightly between "what" and "ever." For example, "Duh! Why would you get grodie whole milk? What-ever, that is the worst milk ever."
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Step Six

Fill in any empty moments with the words "so," "OK," "you know" or "something." These words don't add too much to the meaning of what you're saying, but you definitely sound like a valley girl.
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Step Seven

Learn the different words for things that are good or bad. Some words that mean good or great include: awesome, bonus, classic, excellent, gnarly, killer, major, rad, stoked and sweet. Some words that mean bad or gross include: barf, bogus, buggin, gag me with a spoon, grodie, no way and sketchy.
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Step Eight

Rent some movies like "Clueless" or "Wayne's World" to hear how a valley girl talks. Listen to the way the words are used and the emotions behind them. When you're feeling ready, take the plunge and start speaking it in public.
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Step Nine

Practice makes perfect. The more you practice, the better you'll get at talking like a valley girl. If you sound like a poser at first, take a chill pill. You'll be rad soon enough, for sure.

Overall Tips & Warnings

  • If people look at you strangely when you start talking like a valley girl, be confident. They just wish they were as cool as you. They'll catch on and be speaking it back to you soon enough.
  • As you get more comfortable with talking like a valley girl, pick up the pace. The faster you talk, the more authentic you sound.
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