How to Potty Train a Stubborn Kid

Posted by Anonymous , 9/4/2007 Tags:PottyTrainStubbornKid
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How to Potty Train a Stubborn Kid

Introduction

Okay so it's month nine-going-on-I-forgot-how-many, and you've exhausted every trick your mother, mother-in-law, neighor, and best friend has given you. You KNOW your kid knows how to use the toilet. You've seen it. You've taken trips to the mall and she's got the concept down pat. He can go to his friend's house and stay dry alllll day long. But the second your kid is returned to your care, all bets are off. Why??

Don't pull your hair, not yet. I've been there. After eight months of going through every possible resource I thought I had, even buying books on how to potty train, I swore there was nothing I could do. It ended up taking me going back to basics to seal the deal, but maaaan was it worth it.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Challenging

Things You'll Need

  • A kid
  • LOTS, and I do mean, LOTS of underwear (preferably the cheap kind)
  • A toilet
  • A neon colored poster board
  • One book of cheap stickers
  • A couple thumbtacks
  • Oooodles of patience
  • An 18-wheeler truck load of perseverance.
  • A roll of quarters (optional)
  • Sincere effort

Steps

1

Step One

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First off, this is NOT for those parents just starting out on potty training. This is for those parents who have kids that are already on the path to no more pullups, and need help hurtling that final step.
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Step Two

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Understand this: You are doing an awesome job. I can't tell you how big a difference it made when a friend turned to me and said, "You're doing amazing. Forget the books. Be you."

So many books out there tell you to remain calm, don't get angry. Yeah right. Suuuure. They obviously aren't on the same track as the rest of us mommies, and they sure as heck haven't gone through those inconceivable moments when you're smacking yourself in the head going, Why? WHY?

It's okay to get frustrated. However, don't get frustrated with your kid, at least not directly. Use your normal forms of discipline when your child disobeys, and talk yourself calm if you feel you're about to lose it.
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Step Three

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Normally I don't believe in bribing. However, some times, it's the best course of action. You need to make going to the bathroom something your child WANTS to do. I got lucky. My child happens to LOVE stickers and coins of any kind. Find that one thing that just drives your kid wild, and work it to the bone. Hopefully it's something cheap, or at least has a decent store brand back up.
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Step Four

My daughter knew how to use the toilet, and knew when it was time to go, but she didn't want to go. Watching tv was more fun, or playing with her newest toy.

I had to teach her to respect the role of the toilet. When she decided she'd rather pee her pants than use the toilet, I struggled to find something that made it sink in that this wasn't acceptable behavior.

I ended up making her sit on the floor all day. Sure she got to watch her cartoons, but that was it. She couldnt move, or dance, or play with other toys. Only time she got to move, was to go to the bathroom. Needless to say she got the picture pretty quickly. NOT peeing her pants was immensely preferable to being glued to the floor for a day.

The upshot? It made going to the bathroom the better place to be. She WANTED to go to the bathroom. Cha-ching!
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Step Five

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Now that we had an understanding about the consequences of NOT using the toilet, I had to make the reward just as obvious. This is where it took a little bit of money, but only about ten bucks. And when you look at the long run, ten bucks for a couple of reward tools versus thirty bucks for that pack of pullups for the month is waaay better.

We went and got the brightest, most obnoxious, standout posterboard we could find. Walmart was perfect...neon green posterboard for like, a buck. And to compliment the poster was a cheap book of stickers. Stickers are a staple of childhood, so you might as well buy the big book, it will last you a while.
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Step Six

Next step was placement. Where to put the posterboard so it did the most good? If you've got the option, thumbtack the posterboard to the wall right across from the bathroom doorway. Yeah, it's tacky. And yeah, it's going to raise questions. Chances are though, you've got friends who have, or will have kids, and they'll appreciate the tips too.

Use a marker to label the chart. If you've a penchant for keeping things, mark the date when you started the chart. If it doesn't matter, then just put something fun across the top.

The key to this whole thing? Do it WITH your child. Involve your child in every step so they know exactly what's going on.
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Step Seven

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Every time your child goes to the bathroom, whether they actually go pee or not, give them a sticker. Remember, they were cheap, and there's hundreds of them, so not like your going to run out any time soon.

I gave one sticker for each time she went number one, and two for every time she went number two. And if she did both during the same trip? Well then she got three stickers. Talk about a gold mine!

Of course, let your kid pick out their own stickers, and place them on their own charts. They start to feel all grown up, and independent, and it's a feeling they'll get used to and enjoy.
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Step Eight

Now comes the perseverance part: You have to keep doing this. Don't let up on the stickers. That one slip on the sticker chart undoes the whole two weeks worth of good you just went through. And especially don't let up on the discipline.
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Step Nine

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If your child is around the age of three, give or take three or four months, then biologically speaking chances are he's ready. But be aware that your child just might be having a hard time of it because his body isn't ready yet. Yes, it's true, there are physiological changes the human body goes through to make the plumbing work right.
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Step Ten

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So what about bed time? How do you keep your kid dry through the night? You need to keep a couple key details in mind:

Don't let your kid drink any liquids one hour before bedtime. One small drink right before bed may seem harmless, but three am in the morning that small sip turns into a mini gallon in your poor kid's bladder, and its soak central.
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Step Eleven

Make sure he goes to the bathroom right before bedtime. This is a vital step to the routine that you need to add for future times. It also empties the bladder allowing for a more peaceful sleep.
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Step Twelve

In the morning, wake up early, six am if at all possible. It's the last couple of hours that accidents normally happen in. Wake up early enough to catch the full bladder before it bursts, and get your kid to the toilet before anything else. And then give a major high five.
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Step Thirteen

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You should invest in a night light for the bathroom so she can use the toilet during the night without being scared of the dark, and can see where she's going.
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Step Fourteen

Each time your kid has a dry night, make a huge deal out of it. Why? Because it IS a huge deal. She just stayed dry all night long. We came up with a special reward: quarters. For each night she stayed dry, she earned a quarter.

It's an easy thing to transition out of, because you can start giving quarters away for clean rooms or a good day, a clean plate or proper manners.
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Step Fifteen

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You've still got a fight on your hands, remember that. This isn't a one stop cure, and it wont fix your problems in a day flat. It took about another month of this routine before it sunk in that she was able to move on without the rewards and still be okay. Once she's going independently on her own without your loving reminders, and not needing the constant reward to make her feel good, slowly phase out the chart. If you have a set back, pull the chart back out. But I don't think you will. Keep the loving hugs and kisses in good supply, and your child will do fine.

Overall Tips & Warnings

  • You can adjust any of the tools used to fit your child. If a bucket of toys works better, then keep a bin of toys outside the bathroom door, and limit the time they can play with that particular toy.
  • Make sure you have tons of spare underwear on hand. For the first couple of weeks you'll probably go through two pairs a day, so the extra underwear helps cut down on your laundry loads.
  • If you've got boys, targeting can cause problems. I've heard from other moms who had boys that it was easier to train them sitting down first than standing up. However, if this doesn't work for you, try potty training tools like a pee target...it fits over the lid, and provides a fun game for your son to learn how to aim
  • Once your child is showing strong signs of self control, don't get angry or upset if they have that one slip up. A wet bed once every two or three months is natural. And chances are they'll feel horribly embarrassed and need a hug to let them know it's okay.
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