How to Manage A Business Like Tony Soprano

Posted by Anonymous , 9/4/2007 Tags:ManageBusinessLikeTonySoprano
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How to Manage A Business Like Tony Soprano

Introduction

Are you in mourning at the fact that HBO's The Sopranos faded to black? Do you want to emulate the New Jersey family head, Tony Soprano in business so you can have enough cash to flash around and make offers that people find hard to refuse? This article can help.

Disclaimer, ehow.com does not endorse nor condone mafia-like or illegal behavior.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You'll Need

  • All Seven Seasons of The Sopranos For Study Purposes

Steps

1

Step One

Keep friends close and enemies even closer.
2

Step Two

See a psychiatrist regularly to ease your burdens for stress relief and access to anti-stress medication but be careful not to incriminate yourself. Understand the difference between what a psychiatrist must report and what's constituted as doctor-patient confidentiality
3

Step Three

Hold business meetings like Tony Soprano in dark alleys at night, cornfields, and back offices of facade businesses such as meat stores and strip clubs but only in places where you aren't likely to be overheard. These facade businesses will be useful to you in more ways than one.
4

Step Four

Get your goons, I mean associates, to strip and cavity search all business meeting attendees before talking business to be sure they're not wearing a wire
5

Step Five

Create a wide network of passive income where people will simply drop off fat envelopes to you on a weekly basis without your having to lift a finger and where you'll find perks such as gifts from associates as well as the honor of being known as an extended member of the family (such as a godparent, just as a for instance)
6

Step Six

Promote your trusted associates up the ranks as done in The Sopranos to increase employee morale when you have any staff turnover as a result of death, dismemberment or flipping to the feds.
7

Step Seven

Have a few staff members pretend to be dissatisfied in your organization so they can illicit trade secrets from your competition.
8

Step Eight

Give nice gifts and charitable "donations" to high ranking officials and officers of the law to create a support network in case you need favors returned down the road.
9

Step Nine

Offer discounted protection services to people in your community to help everyone feel safe and indebted to you in case you need to lean on them later.

10

Step Ten

Use your business connections to help you dispose of any business problems that might arise. Waste management connections are always good to have.

Tips & Warnings

  • React with indignation and disgust if anyone insinuates the word mob, mafia or crime family into a conversation with you.
  • Create the facade of legitimacy by looking like you have an average job some place such as in waste management to deflect suspicion.
  • Don't put money in the bank. Banks are traceable. Bury it somewhere safe and be sure it appears as clean as fresh washed laundry.
  • Don't talk on the phone about anything sensitive or potentially incriminating. Anyone could be listening.
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