How to Keep Your Sanity in a Loveless Marriage

Posted by Anonymous , 9/5/2007 Tags:KeepSanityLovelessMarriage
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How to Keep Your Sanity in a Loveless Marriage

Introduction

In this article, you will learn firstly that you are not alone. There are other people, who for some reason or another landed themselves in what we coin a 'loveless marriage'. You will also learn coping skills that may help you deal with this phenomena. You may also learn to have hope, when you believe there is none. And if you so choose, you may learn stick-with-it skills.

Instructions

Difficulty: Challenging

Things You'll Need

  • great perseverance
  • great spirit
  • support in any form you can get it
  • marriage guidance material or support as an option

Steps

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Step One

Okay, so you have tried and tried to no avail. Your spouse just isn't up to it for one reason or another. Well, have heart, because, as hurtful as it may be, you are not alone in what we call a loveless marriage. Now this doesn't mean there is no love for each other, it just means in this instance, you are not functioning as your mind's ideal is telling you that you two should! There is no shame in this, for it happens to the best of us. Recognize it and decide on a course of action would be a good step.
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Step Two

All those lovely Hollywood couples look grand, don't they? No wonder we can feel so regretful and full of shame regarding what most people are experiencing right now in your neighbourhood! Well, it's a good idea to realize what your reality is and work on it.
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Step Three

You can deal with your marriage directly if you so desire and be persistent. It is good to flog a dead horse! Never give up, if you truly love your spouse. One bad apple as you may think they are, can be better than the next apple, as it may be more rotten than you can imagine! So, a good step also is to not make hasty decisions.
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Step Four

Another step you can take is to try to do things together, no matter what. Do outings if you can. If this doesn't work for you two, then try doing things separately. Sometimes that is all you can do, but be patient, as a little space can be just the spark you need for each other. It can be a good step to get back to yourselves, individually. What is it that you really like to do? Do it. Set goals for yourself. Your spouse, if they truly care, will respect you in the end for this action.
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Step Five

This step should be a given regarding distraction. Be faithful to your spouse..the guilt and regret and damage an affair can cause to a marriage is not worth it. Control your temptations. Do not let them control you. Unless you have a written in blood agreement regarding extra marital activities, this avenue is a definite killer to any type of marraige..Hollywood or otherwise.
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Step Six

A wise step,if you can do it, is to 'Let sleeping dogs lie'. This is an old saying that is so true in my experience. Things can change, but no point in being impatient. It will only irritate your spouse if you keep pressing an issue or area you are not functioning well in together. When the time is right, you will be able to work in the area you are not happy in. If the time never comes, then so be it. Don't get mad...get happy with yourself.
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Step Seven

The next step is a no-brainer. If you really are at your worst, and you can no longer live in your loveless marriage, then make a clean break. No humming and hawing, as we say, just do it. Try to respect each other and realize this has been a great learning experience for you both.
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Step Eight

One last step in solidifying a lack lustre marriage. Keep thy mouth shut. Don't say things you will regret. Once you have said something absolutely deplorable, it is too late to take it back. Be careful and considerate.
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Step Nine

One last step is a vital one if it applies, of course, to your situation. If there is any danger or harm imminent at any time, then pull out all the stops and if you can, get out quickly. It is not worth your life to be with someone who can hurt you very seriously or otherwise, a person so unhappy, they can do you harm. It can happen in an instant. Be steadfast when it involves this issue.

Overall Tips & Warnings

  • There are a myriad of resources available for marriages that are not working. Check them out on the web or find a local sympathetic ear, such as a counsellor, if you can afford it. As a last resort, go to the library and read a good book regarding marriage.
  • Please do not read this article as professional help. These thoughts are just my two cents from someone who has a few marriages under my belt, and no shame in it. While practicing hair, I have listened to and seen many a client regarding this very subject, all great experience as well.
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